Category: Understanding life and the world

Big ideas and analysis related to life and the world. This is where I become philosophical and tend towards guru-ness.

Warning Signals [en]

With the years, I’m getting better and better at identifying early warning signs. Human beings (I’m no exception) have this tendancy to dig themselves into holes now and again, but not realise they’re digging them or even inside them until the waters are closing on over their heads.

For the past month I’ve been looking at my calendar with increasing dread. I’ve barely been blogging. Things haven’t been spinning out of control, though, but I’ve been tired and more stressed than I like and kind of thinking “gosh, how am I going to manage all this”. At the same time, I’ve been refusing to make some hard choices regarding the things I want to do. Dropping one or the other was not an option.

I’m talking mainly about non-work things here. And things I do for me (as I might have mentioned somewhere before, I’ve become reasonably competent at not saying yes when I want to say no to other people, so I don’t end up with commitments I’d like to wriggle out of as often as I did a few years ago).

Yesterday, I realised that I was setting myself up for a couple of inhuman weeks before the end of the year, but that I was refusing to consider that I might have to let go of something. This is the cousin of “I really need a break now but there’s no way I can manage to take one“.

Something clicked. I realised that I was wanting to do everything. That clearly there was too much on my plate, that I was not Superwoman, but that I was refusing to set priorities between all these different things I wanted to do. So, I knew what I had to do: accept that I have to sit down and decide what is most important for me, and what is less important. I did that, decided to let go of something, and though it really saddens and frustrates me not to be able to do it (in addition to the umpteen other things I’m already doing), I feel better.

The important point here is the warning signals. If I look back at the journey of these last years, one constant for me has been to learn to spot warning signals that I’m leading myself somewhere I don’t want to go, and spot them earlier and earlier. And figure out what to do when I spot them.

And I’m happy to say I’m getting pretty good at it!

What about you? How good are you at recognizing your warning signals? When you recognize them, do you know what to do to keep things from going further downhill?

Carotte et créativité ne font pas bon ménage [fr]

[en] I write a weekly column for Les Quotidiennes, which I republish here on CTTS for safekeeping.

Chroniques du monde connecté: cet article a été initialement publié dans Les Quotidiennes (voir l’original).

Plutôt que de vous parler de la nouvelle boulette (je suis gentille) de Facebook au sujet de nos vies privées (le sujet me sort par les oreilles, pour être honnête), je vais faire une petite digression pour vous parler de motivation.

Le monde connecté, ce n’est pas que la technologie (j’espère ne pas vous avoir donné l’impression que c’était le cas). C’est aussi le hasard des rencontres qui n’auraient jamais eu lieu sans cette technologie. C’est les réseaux et les communautés, dopés par ce qu’on appelle aujourd’hui les médias sociaux (rassurez-vous, demain on aura trouvé un autre nom). C’est les choses intéressantes qui vous tombent entre les mains d’on-ne-sait-où, sans qu’on les ait cherchées. Le réseau qui vous les offre en cadeau.

J’écris cette chronique de Lisbonne. J’ai bravé le nuage de cendres pour aller donner une poignée de conseils pour indépendants lors de la conférence SWITCH à Coimbra — conférence mise sur pied par Ricardo Sousa, 17 ans, et son équipe à peine plus âgée. A SWITCH, j’ai fait quelques rencontres marquantes, dont Zé, sur le blog duquel j’ai fait un saut en début d’après-midi après avoir retrouvé mon wifi lisbonnais.

Et c’est là que je tombe sur cette vidéo, que Zé nous dit de regarder et regarder à nouveau. Elle est en anglais — je vous encourage à braver la barrière linguistique durant 10 minutes, et à revenir ensuite ici. Je ne bouge pas.

Dan Pink, l’orateur que vous entendez dans la vidéo, nous apprend qu’il a été scientifiquement démontré (je pèse mes mots) que les récompenses monétaires élevées ont un effet néfaste sur le travail lorsque celui-ci fait appel un tant soit peu à nos forces créatives. Les meilleurs motivateurs sont intrinsèques: l’autonomie, la maîtrise, et le sens. Quand on réalise que le monde du business fonctionne en grande partie sur des principes que la science a démontré comme erronés…

A mon avis, on peut appliquer tout ceci à l’utilisation des médias sociaux en entreprise, et surtout à la volonté hypertrophiée de tout mesurer — parfois à tort et à travers — afin de savoir si on en retire réellement quelque chose. Mais c’est pour un autre jour!

Si je vous ai donné envie d’écouter Dan Pink mais que votre anglais pédale un peu dans la choucroute, vous pouvez voir ici sa conférence TED sur la motivation, avec sous-titres français. C’est beau le web, non?

The Art of Removing One's Socks [en]

[fr] Comment enlever ses chaussettes de façon à ce qu'elles ne nous pourissent pas la vie quand on les sort de la lessive. Je ne plaisante pas, ça a été une révélation pour moi, même si c'est super simple: les enlever sans les retourner.

Amongst other life-saving tips I learned from hanging around on the Flylady site, I learned how to remove my socks. Now, don’t laugh — it has been a life-changing revelation for me. It’s a very simple obvious trick, and when I read about it I could have kicked myself for not having figured it out on my own, and as a result struggling with bunched-up socks in my laundry for the last 20 years.

I’m a sharing person, so here’s the tip, lifted directly from Flylady’s site (it’s #4 on this page):

[Robert] also taught me to take my socks off, right side out. LOL Push them down over your heels and then pull the toes. Poof your socks are right side out. No more having to turn socks after they are washed.

Now, I imagine you’re all going to tell me that you’ve done this all your life and you never have trouble with socks in laundry, but trust me, I did not. I would remove my socks as they came, inside-out, all rolled up, and wash them like that, and then have to struggle to unbunch them so they could hang up and dry.

It’s one of those very simple things that takes no effort (or almost) to do and makes life much easier for the future you. I’ve been implementing a lot of these “good habits” over the last year or so, but the sock thing is the one example that really sticks out for me, and represents the spirit of dealing with things now rather than later.

And as I remove my socks every day, I’m reminded of my new way of doing things every day.

C'est si superficiel [fr]

[en] I write a weekly column for Les Quotidiennes, which I republish here on CTTS for safekeeping.

Chroniques du monde connecté: cet article a été initialement publié dans Les Quotidiennes (voir l’original).

Une critique souvent faite à l’encontre des médias sociaux, c’est la superficialité des contenus qui y transitent ou y sont publiés. Twitter, Facebook, et même les blogs sont montrés du doigt comme autant d’exemples de la vacuité des propos de l’être humain moyen.

On oublie que les médias sociaux, à la différence des mass-médias, visent moins à diffuser des informations qu’à créer des relations.

C’est pour ça que la métaphore de la machine à café pour décrire ces espaces numériques est si juste. La plupart des discussions autour de la machine à café sont banales — mais ce sont elles qui créent les liens entre les gens. Le tissu des relations humaines, c’est justement ces petits échanges anodins, sur le temps qu’il fait, le film qu’on a vu, ou les plantes à rempoter.

Qu’on bavarde de ce genre de chose au téléphone, dans le bus, entre deux réunions, ou même par SMS, cela n’émeut personne. Mais qu’on fasse la même chose en ligne, où règne l’écrit, réservé traditionnellement aux seules expressions de notre culture dignes d’être imprimées, et l’on s’empresse de brandir ce mot chargé de jugement moral: “superficiel”.

C’est faire preuve d’une grande méconnaissance de la nature profonde des relations humaines.

Tips For the Stressed and Anxious [en]

[fr] Une série de conseils (basés sur mon expérience personnelle!) pour les stressés et anxieux. Top de la liste: s'assurer qu'on dort, mange, et bouge assez (c'est la base). Boire des tisanes de fleur d'oranger. Prendre un bain chaud. Méditer.

Twice a month I write up an article chosen by my readers. This is the second. Vote for the next one!

After years of learning to deal with my stressed and anxious self, here are a few ideas and tips I’ve found help me get through those moments. It won’t replace therapy of course, but it can help!

  • Make sure you have your basics covered (this is your top priority): enough sleep, enough food (preferably more or less balanced), and physical exercise (go for a walk!) — regular hours if possible.
  • Drink orange blossom infusions (“fleur d’oranger”). It’s a relaxing infusion — 4-5 cups a day, and one 30 minutes before going to bed if you have trouble sleeping. I’m a fan ever since drinking those saved one of my exam sessions.
  • Take a warm bath.
  • Lie down, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing for 10-20 minutes, without falling asleep, and without starting to think about stuff. When thoughts show up, just let them fly by as you concentrate on your breathing. (This is kind of basic meditation.) Once or twice a day.
  • When stressed, identify the main stressor (if it’s procrastination-related stress) and get it done with. Things usually get better after that.
  • If anxious/down, go for stuff that makes you laugh (it helps the brain switch gears): lolcats, comedy movie, fun friends, comics — whatever does it for you.
  • Sometimes (specially if you’re more down than anxious), watching a scary movie / thriller can do the trick. Anxiety is often something we do to ourselves (need that adrenalin-drug!) so getting a shot through artifical means (the movie) can actually help relax about other stuff.
  • Head out to the countryside/lake/mountains. Look at nature around you — it helps regain a sense of proportion.
  • Watch the Eight Irresistable Principles of Fun video (a few minutes).

Of course, these are very general tips. They are not magic recipes, either: sometimes we’re stressed or anxious for very good reasons, and it’s normal to be uncomfortable. But these ideas might help make things a little bit better or bearable when it’s rough.

Got any tips that work for you when you’re stressed or anxious, and that you’d like to share? The comments are yours.

Du "droit" de gagner sa vie [fr]

Je fais court, promis. Je voulais parler de ça dans mon précédent billet sur la gratuité (ou la non-gratuité) du contenu, et j’ai oublié.

Un présupposé que me gonfle, mais alors vraiment, c’est cette idée selon laquelle le fait d’être un créatif et d’avoir un tant soit peu de talent nous donne le droit inaliénable de gagner notre vie avec. “Droit” non pas dans le sens que c’est permis, mais ça que nous est dû.

Je sais chanter, je chante bien, j’ai un peu de succès — le fait de pouvoir gagner ma vie avec mon art me serait dû.

J’écris, j’ai même écrit des romans, et bien je devrais pouvoir gagner ma vie avec — ça m’est dû.

Vous voyez l’idée?

Poussons plus loin.

Je sais créer des espaces coworking, alors je devrais pouvoir gagner ma vie avec.

J’ai une idée pour une nouvelle application et je peux la réaliser, je devrais pouvoir gagner ma vie avec.

Pas la même chose, hein?

Comment se fait-il que lorsqu’une entreprise commerciale échoue à générer assez d’argent pour faire vivre celui ou celle qui l’a lancée, on trouve que ça fait partie des risques de l’entreprenariat (“les finances étaient mal gérées” — “l’idée était bonne mais ils étaient à côté de la plaque sur le marketing” etc.) alors que quand c’est un artiste ou un créatif qui échoue à vivre de son art, on tire à gros boulets rouges sur le système ou les pirates?

Eh bien désolée. Bienvenue dans la réalité, mesdames et messieurs les créatifs (dont je fais partie). Ce n’est pas parce qu’on a un talent qu’on pourra nécessairement en vivre. Ceux qui y parviennent sont l’exception, et l’ont toujours été.

Jamais je ne refuserai à qui que ce soit le droit de tenter de gagner sa vie avec son art. Mais je ne vois pas pourquoi il devrait y avoir des garanties que ça marchera.

Prune Your To-Do Lists, Mercilessly [en]

[fr] Plus tôt on admet que l'on ne fera pas une tâche, mieux c'est (avant qu'elle nous pourrisse la vie durant des mois avant de mourir de sa belle mort). Soyez donc sans merci en révisant vos listes de tâches. Posez-vous honnêtement la question: vais-je vraiment faire ça?

Yesterday, I opened Things for the first time in… a year, maybe, to see if the link to a video I wanted to watch was still in my old lists there. It wasn’t, but trawling through the state of my to-do lists from Going Solo times made me realize just how much stuff was in there that I never did. And I’m still alive.

I’ve known this for some time: a good way to make our lives miserable is to stack our to-do lists (or next action lists, if we’re GTD-enabled) with piles of tasks that we will end up not doing. Seeing all those old tasks I never got around to doing reminded me, once again, of how important it is to realize as early as possible if I am not going to do something.

I think the first time I really heard somebody talk about this explicitly was at the Going Solo conference in Lausanne, when Martin Roell gave his talk on “Self-Organisation for Effectiveness” (watch the whole video, but the moment in question is about 10 minutes in). He told us that, contrarily to some understanding of GTD (who is to say what’s right or wrong?), he recommended throwing out as much as possible from action lists. YANGTDI: You Are Not Going To Do It.

It’s a bit the same frame of mind as when you come back to your e-mail inbox after a holiday. You can usually safely ignore the stuff that’s marked URGENT in all caps, because chances are if it was urgent a week ago, it’s simply not relevant anymore.

I think that this is where lies the trap in GTD’s “Someday/Maybe” list. Also because we quickly forget one important step in the GTD process, which is that when we put a task on a next action list, it means we are fully committed to doing it. That, I have found, is simply just not the case most of the time for mere mortals like us struggling around with imperfect implementations of GTD in our lives.

So, here are some ideas. They’re not perfect, but they might help.

If you’ve been ignoring an item on your list for a long time, take a moment to look at it. First, make sure it’s a real next action and not a project in disguise, because that could be why you’re not getting around to doing it. Then, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, honestly, deep down inside in your heart of hearts, if you are really going to do it, or if you’re going to keep on procrastinating it until it disappears into a little puff of smoke, in which case you’d have been better off removing it from your list straight away and preventing it from adding to your stress.

How do you know you’ve been ignoring a task for too long? Some systems have that built-in. For example, when I was in my notebook phase, once a page was filled with tasks-done-and-still-to-do, I’d copy over to the next page all the tasks that still needed doing. Once you’ve copied over a task to the new page five times, you start to realize that you’re not doing it.

Yesterday, somebody told me of another method: at the beginning of the week, make a list of tasks you want to accomplish. Opposite that list, draw columns — one per day. Each day, ask yourself if you are committed enough to spend (say) an hour and a half on that task. If you are, draw a green dot on that task’s line. If you aren’t a red dot. At the end of the week, look at what you haven’t done, and look at the amount of red vs. green. The decisions to make are probably made, by that time.

Another trick I have is that I have a sub-heading, in my lists, which is called “Obviously I’m not doing this”. That’s where I send tasks off to die, when I’m clearly not doing them but don’t have the courage to get rid of them completely. A bit like the “Should throw away but can’t yet” box in your cellar.

A corollary to this “task pruning” attitude is to extract subsets of tasks for given time periods, like I started doing (and still am doing) when I plan my week. Or on a stressful day, when you feel swamped, select three things (or five!) and forget about all the rest.

But the main point here is: show no mercy for those idle tasks that just sit there, make your life miserable, and never get done.

La technologie qui nous pousse à grandir [fr]

[en] I write a weekly column for Les Quotidiennes, which I republish here on CTTS for safekeeping.

Chroniques du monde connecté: cet article a été initialement publié dans Les Quotidiennes (voir l’original).

Depuis bientôt dix ans que je fréquente des blogueurs, j’en vois régulièrement qui succombent à la pression de leur lectorat. C’est ainsi qu’ils le présentent, en tous cas. Ils ne peuvent plus tenir le rythme de publication. Les commentaires de leurs lecteurs les minent. Leur public a des attentes, et ils n’arrivent pas ou plus à y répondre. Ils sont trop sollicités.

Alors ils arrêtent de bloguer, se fendant d’un long (ou très bref) billet explicatif.

Et à chaque fois, je lis, un peu médusée, et je peine à comprendre. Tout l’attrait du blog, pour moi, c’est la liberté qu’il confère à son auteur. Les seules contraintes sont celles que le blogueur s’impose. S’il cesse d’écrire à cause des attentes de son public, n’écrivait-il que pour celui-ci en premier lieu? N’avait-il pas peut-être lui aussi, des attentes peu réalistes (d’une certaine forme de reconnaissance, à tout hasard) pour son lectorat? Le problème est-il vraiment avec ses lecteurs, ou est-il plutôt entre lui et lui?

Ceci n’est qu’une situation parmi d’autres où je vois que les avancées technologiques nous offrent l’occasion de grandir en tant que personne — plutôt que d’en devenir l’esclave (à l’image des blogueurs dont il est question ci-dessus) ou de les rejeter un bloc (mouvement de retour de balancier, parfois).

Le téléphone mobile nous rend joignable en tous temps? On apprend à ne pas y répondre juste parce qu’il sonne. On le met sur silence. On l’éteint. On filtre les appels. On reprend le contrôle.

Le chat nous permettrait de bavarder à longueur de journée? On apprend à se discipliner, à mettre des priorités sur certaines activités (travailler, peut-être?), à dire gentiment mais fermement que l’on n’est pas disponible maintenant. A approcher les autres avec un peu de retenue, aussi.

Les e-mails arrivent dans notre boîte de réception à toute heure du jour et de la nuit? On apprend à filtrer, à ne pas répondre à tout dès que possible, à basculer vers un autre mode de communication lorsque c’est plus adéquat.

Le blog et la publication en ligne ont fait de nous un micro-célébrité? On apprend à voir plus loin que la satisfaction un peu compulsive de l’attention reçue, à reprendre contact avec les motivations profondes et saines qui nous poussent à faire ce que l’on fait, et à mettre des limites aux sollicitations quasi-infinies du monde extérieur.

Un fil rouge, ici: être au clair de ses attentes, connaître ses besoins et ses limites, les faire poliment respecter lorsque c’est nécessaire. Dans le monde ultra-connecté qui devient le nôtre aujourd’hui, les compétences que l’on regroupe souvent sous l’expression un peu réductrice “savoir dire non” sont une question de survie. Et ce n’est pas plus mal.

Just do it [en]

[fr] Parfois, on fait les choses même quand on n'en a pas vraiment envie.

“Just do it” is the answer many of us poor procrastinators get when asking for support from our non-procrastinating friends. And usually, it doesn’t help.

However, I’ve learned that there are situations where “just do it” is the answer. Years ago, I realized that I had become trapped in an excessive “what do I feel like doing” state of mind. I would wait until I felt like doing something to do it. I thought that I needed to feel like doing things to do them, and expected that at some point I would always feel like doing the things I had to do.

Probably too many childhood and teenage years what I wanted and what I felt like were not given enough place in my life, but let’s not dwell on that.

The important realization was when I understood that sometimes you don’t feel like doing things, and you still do them. You don’t feel like doing the washing-up, but you do it because you’ve decided that you wanted to live with a reasonably clean kitchen and clean dishes for your next meal. You don’t really feel like eating anything in particular, or maybe chocolate, but you make a salad, cut some bread, and put a piece of meat in the pan because you’ve decided it was important to have a balanced diet, even when you didn’t really feel like it.

And sometimes you work, or study, because you have an end goal in mind, or need to earn a living, even if you don’t always feel like it.

This is not to say you should ignore your feelings. But sometimes, for some people, listening to them too much can get in the way of living.

My Journey Out of Procrastination: Doing Things Now [en]

[fr] Une clé pour procrastiner moins: faire les choses à mesure. Evident, bien sûr, mais important. Pour pouvoir faire les choses à mesure, ralentir, prendre le temps. Comprendre au fond de soi et pas juste dans sa tête qu'une tâche effectuée maintenant ne sera pas à faire plus tard.

This is the fifth post in my ongoing series about procrastination. Check out the previous ones: Five Principles, Perfectionism, Starting, and Stopping, Getting Thrown Off and Getting Unstuck, and Not Running (Firewalls and iPhone alarms).

Obviously, doing things now (as opposed to later) is the remedy against procrastination. If you do things now, then you can’t procrastinate them, right?

Now that the obvious is out of the way, let’s dig a little. Doing things now is both the result of not procrastinating and part of the cure against procrastination. This means that if we understand what’s going on, and manage to make a habit of doing certain things immediately, we have a key to easing the accumulation of incoming tasks on the procrastination list.

At one point in my life (the “when” is a little fuzzy here) I really understood (deep down inside) that if I did something now, then it meant that I wouldn’t have to do it afterwards. I’m sorry for stating the obvious. Everybody knows this. But between knowing it in your head and knowing it in your gut, there is a difference. The procrastinator’s gut believes that if you don’t do it now, with a bit of luck you’ll be able to continue ignoring it safely until the end of time.

So read this again: if you do something you need to do now, you will not have to do it later.

I know that one decisive “aha!” moment in that respect was when I reached the “2-minute rule” part of GTD. Here’s what this rule is about: when you’re in the “processing” phase of GTD, going systematically through a pile of stuff and deciding what you need to do about each item — but not actually doing it, just making decisions and putting tasks in the system for later — well, there is one situation where you do what needs to be done instead of putting your next action in the system, and that’s when it takes less than 2 minutes to deal with the task. The logic behind this is that putting a task in the system and retrieving it later is going to take two minutes or so — so you’ll actually spend less time if you just do it now. Also, a 2-minute interruption in your processing is not the end of the world.

The trick here is to use a timer — if the timer goes off and you haven’t finished what you thought would be done in 2 minutes, then you stop, put the task on the right list, and continue processing.

Now, I’m not saying that this is where I got the “do it now” revelation, but it’s definitely one blow of the hammer that helped drive that particular nail in.

Another moment I remember is when clicking around on a few links on the FlyLady site brought me to Bratland. I like this metaphor of the “inner brat”, the part of you who finishes the toilet roll but doesn’t put a new one on for the next person (who, if you live alone, is going to be you). The brat who spills the milk and doesn’t clean up, so it ends up caking the kitchen counter and it takes you 5 minutes to get rid of it instead of 30 seconds. I started keeping a kind but firm parental eye open for my inner brat, and that is something that helped me not create more work for myself by letting things drag along.

One area I managed to put this in practice rather well is e-mail. If an e-mail comes in my inbox, and I answer and/or archive it straight away, it won’t be sitting there looking at me next time I go into my inbox. I know this goes against the “deal with your e-mail only twice a day” (or whatever) rules — I’ll write more about why I think my way of dealing with e-mail works, though.

But clearly, if you are the kind of people for whom tasks tend to go onto todo lists to die or weigh on your conscience for months, there is a decisive advantage to not letting them get on the list in the first place.

Related, but not exactly in the “doing things now” department: I have a trick I use when people ask me if I can do something for them (I’m usually tempted to say yes, because I want to be helpful and I want people to like me, and then I feel horrible because I let things drag along and don’t do them). I ask the person to send me an e-mail to remind me about it. This has three advantages:

  • if the person doesn’t really need me to do this for them, they won’t e-mail
  • I don’t have to answer right away
  • I have a “physical” reminder already in my system (I know that I am going to deal with stuff that reaches my inbox), that I will answer when I have the brain space to do so, and if necessary, can politely steer to “sorry, have other commitments” or “this is stuff I get paid for” or even “so sorry, I know I said yes, but actually, to be honest, I just can’t because xyz”.

One important element to be able to start doing things that need it “right away” (you do not want to be putting things like cleaning up spilled milk on your to-do list) is to slow down, run less. If you’re trying to run out the door because you’re late for an appointment, you’re not going to clean up the spilled milk. You’re not going to do the washing up right after your meal. You’re not going to put the laundry away today if you haven’t planned that you need time for that. Yes, household chores, but it’s the same thing with work-related stuff: accounting, invoicing, getting back to prospective clients. You need wiggle space in your days, and that will not happen if you’re running from morning to evening.

I had forgotten about this when I wrote my previous post in this procrastination series, but one thing that helped me break out of the vicious running cycle was heading up into the mountains with no internet for a few days, in summer 2008. Up in the mountains, with nothing to do but eat, sleep, walk, and read a bit, I slowed down. I started taking the time to do things. And I kept a taste of this when I came back to my work-life.

I’ve found that, in the spirit of incremental changes, it’s no use deciding “from now on, I’m going to do all the regular stuff I should be doing as it comes in, à mesure“. Picking an area or two where you stick to it, on the other hand, is helpful. It’s helpful because it means one area where you will be accumulating less procrastinable material, and one area where you can experience the change, the slowing down, the “less backlog”, and get a taste of what it can be like to encourage yourself to make these changes in other areas of your life too.