When I’m so tired I can’t do anything
Except maybe mindless scrolling
Well yes, to be honest, that’s what I do
Why don’t I go to bed?
OK, I am in bed, but you get my drift
Why don’t I turn off the light
Put my head down on my pillow
Close my eyes, and drift
Into the unconsciousness of sleep?
I like sleep
Sleep is good
I used to pooh-pooh it
Though I knew it was important.
I don’t want to sleep!
Feels like a waste of time!
There is so much in life that calls to be done
And time is so finite
Short days, and weeks, and months
Life counted in years
Can end without a warning
But no, I like my sleep now
It gives me good days
It feels soft to slip into
Like silken sheets and a purring cat
Enough space to stretch and relax
And so why, oh why
When I’m so tired I can’t even pretend
That I’m using my time for something worthwhile
When my head is all foggy and my eyes glaze over
And the cat is complaining that his arm-pillow is missing
Why don’t I just give in?
Maybe because as the clock ticks the night away
As the fog comes in on the shores of my mind
I have run out of what it takes
To stop
To tell myself “done for today”
To deal with the frustration
Of yet another evening
Where I will read two lines or two paragraphs before dropping
Where I won’t get to enjoy much of the story
Do I really want to start reading to give up in two minutes?
No, I don’t, I definitely don’t
So I don’t start
I don’t stop
The ants march in circles inside my head
Neverending
So silly isn’t it
I messed up again
And am too brain-dead to deal with it
So I’ll just let the beachball spin to death
And the clock hands reach scary places
Until I really really can’t anymore
And I’ll tell myself
Tomorrow I’ll do better
I’ll go to bed early
Have time to read and enjoy my book
Just like I told myself that a day ago
And the day before
“Just go to bed,” they say
“Just do it”
Yeah sure, it’s that easy, right.
Good night.