It is a mistake to judge relationships or events as “overall good” and “overall bad”. Everything has good sides and bad sides. Summing up to just one of them will only contribute to repressing the other into darkness and denial.
There are times when one has to look at the “good” and the “bad” in things independantly – although of course they are never independant.
Looking back at all I have been through, I tend to say that everything was “overall good” because it has brought me where I am – and I am happy of where I am.
But it doesn’t mean I didn’t suffer. And even though it made me grow, it doesn’t mean I am happy with this pain, or that it doesn’t touch me as pain.
Understanding and loving someone who hurt us should not prevent us from dealing with the pain this person has caused. And that means putting love and understanding into brackets.
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