Fouilles [en]

Ego [en]

Poèmes [en]

Suite à  mes fouilles archéologico-littéraires, voici quelques poèmes gris écrits il y a presque trois ans de cela. En les relisant, j’ai trouvé qu’il n’y avait pas que du mauvais, alors tant qu’à  faire…

Un mot d’avertissement toutefois: ne jugez pas mon moral et ma santé mentale sur ces quelques vers. On savait déjà  que je n’étais pas schizophrène, je vous annonce maintenant qu’en général je suis une personne heureuse et joyeuse, qui sourit et rit beaucoup. Comme tout le monde j’imagine, j’ai parfois des “bas” – et c’est en général là  que j’écris le plus. Disons que c’est cathartique. Vous êtes prévenus!

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Flash-back [en]

Je sais tout à  fait de quel moment je parlerais si je participais au projet courant de Jaunt (idée ramassée chez Karl).

Comme j’avais à  l’époque déjà  essayé de le mettre par écrit, j’ai ressorti de sa boîte le gros classeur qui me sert de journal depuis dix ans. J’ai eu des périodes “journal intime”, mais j’y garde aussi tous les écrits plus ou moins personnels que j’ai commis au fil des ans.

Du coup, je me retrouve plongée dans l’année 1996. J’appelle cette année celle de mon “été révolution”. Entre le début et la fin de l’année, tout dans ma vie avait changé. Pour ne citer que deux choses, j’avais déménagé de chez mes parents et passé d’études de chimie en études de lettres. Le reste n’a pas sa place ici.

Donc, venons-en au texte en question (remanié pour l’occasion). Bien entendu, il s’agissait d’un moment ineffable – et tout ce que je pourrais écrire ne me satisfera sans doute jamais ; ).

Moment

Ce qu’il allait dire était évident. Ce ne pouvait être autre chose, mais je ne savais pas encore ce que c’était. J’avais entendu ces mots mille fois; je les entendais pour la première fois.

Avant même qu’il n’émette un seul son, tout s’est subitement ouvert et est resté suspendu dans le temps comme une bulle de savon. A peine un début d’esquisse de geste et j’avais déjà  compris. Tout devenait simple. Cette clarté me traversa physiquement le corps de bas en haut.

Le geste, les mots, la compréhension: le temps les a mélangés. Avant, après et en même temps n’ont plus aucun sens.

J’ai su ce qu’il avait dit avec ces mots comme si je le savais pour l’avoir vécu. Et quelque part entre ma tête et mon coeur, une bulle de savon s’était fait brièvement lumière avant de disparaître.

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Intention [en]

Lorsque j’écris, il m’arrive de me relire et de me demander si mon texte exprime véritablement ce que je voulais dire. Le lecture donne-t-elle un accès à  ce que je ressentais et voulais communiquer? Parfois, j’en viens à  constater que je me suis laissé emporter par les mots…

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Crossroads [en]

warning: lots of “me” stuff ahead – probably not of interest to the rest of the world.

As months go by, I am approaching the exciting yet scary end of my life as a student. There are too many roads ahead for me. I’m not sure which one I want to take. I would like to take them all, in fact, but sadly they seem to be mutually exclusive.

Once more I am faced with my eternal problem: wanting to bite of more than I can possibly chew.

Actually, there is more to it than that. Because it raises the question of what I intend to do of my life. And life, for me, is more than just finding a suitable job, earning money and raising a family.
I’m not worried about being capable of finding a job and staying employed. I’m not worried about the amount of money I’ll earn, as long as it allows me to live. Having a family is maybe another issue, but this is not the place or the time to delve into it.

I want to reach out to the world. I want to reach deep inside myself too. I want to keep learning and growing, and I want to give to others. And I don’t want to confine myself to one single domain.

I’m finishing a degree in history of religions (Indian), philosophy, and French – having learnt some Sanskrit and Hindi on the way. In a bit more than six months, I’ll be starting work at Orange – a job in the low levels of project management in a young company, involving lots of hours in front of a computer, solving problems, and hopefully putting to work some of my so-called web design skills.

I already know I don’t want to do that job all my life. But setting foot in the “business world” is frightening to me. I’m a bit afraid of staying stuck in it. I don’t have a business-oriented mind at all. I am a rather “anti-consumerism” person. I like reading philosophy and religion books and I want to change the world. I want to teach judo some day and possibly write stuff that others might read. I like fiddling with computers and talking with people hours on end. I like too many different things and I don’t want to lose them. I’m complicated, too. I want a high responsability job but I don’t want to work full-time. Putting it in French: “Je veux le beurre, l’argent du beurre, et le fils du laitier.”

And now I’m starting to sound like the average whining “I want it all” teenager – and I’m supposed to be a bit old for that now. Time to stop the navel-gazing ; )
Luckily, I have more than a year ahead of me to sit at the crossroads and look down the paths. Maybe I’ll pitch a little tent there to make it more comfortable while I wait.

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Snow [en]

Finally. Winter is paying its dues. The grey, the cold, the wind and the rain are forgotten. Lausanne is white at last.

I arrived home safely after an exciting drive from my sister’s place. First, a narrow squeeze between two lorries: one of them was on the road-side, the other was backing up in the middle of the road to line up behind it, and I was gathering speed to climb up the hill. Then, a long slow ride on the snow-white motorway. I had never imagined that driving at 60 km/h would one day give me the feeling I was speeding.

Bagha set his indian paws in snow for the first time of his life. And I daresay he didn’t like it. Even though he is truly amazing in some respects, he’s still just a cat.

I went for a walk with Cali in the woods near my home. I didn’t get any winter last year (no, it doesn’t snow in Pune!) and I had forgotten how magical it is to be surrounded by silent white trees with not another human soul in sight.
Snow muffles everything. It makes silence thick. It also makes places look smaller. It makes your shoes wet and your feet cold when you walk in it with your town shoes instead of the winter boots which are down in the cellar.

I love white walks. Especially when all this white seems to be Nature greeting me back into the world of the living: I’m finally feeling up to life again : )

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Muffled [en]

It’s snowing.
The ground is white at last.
I wish I had a digi-cam to show you.
Or maybe the words to tell you.

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Facilitator [en]

Disclaimer [en]

Although it still may be funny, Nickd got it wrong. I wrote the word to css email to groupmonkey, not to him.

Just so you people know who I send my dumb emails to… *wink*

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