Sleep isn’t coming tonight. Or rather, it’s coming and going. I’m not a bad sleeper, generally. I fall asleep easily, sleep though the night (give or take one bathroom break), wake up when my alarm rings or when my “usual time” comes by.
Lately things have been a bit more complicated, though not dramatically so. I’ve been having a harder time falling asleep, and my old Quintus has been waking me up regularly (he’s restless at night). I don’t fall back asleep as easily as I’d expect.
I don’t think this is a permanent change. It’s a phase. And sometimes, when you’re wide awake at 2.30am, you just have to do with it. So, after two whole episodes of Sleep With Me (to the end, quite unusual… falling in and out of sleep), sleep-inducing meditation music, a snack (I was hungry), a bit of reading… I thought I might write.
I actually had an idea for something I wanted to write. But it’s gone. Ideas are like that.
Last night, just as I was drifting off, I came up with a few lines for a poem. I hesitated. I could let myself fall asleep and probably lose the lines, or dictate them into my phone for safekeeping. I chose the latter. It woke me up. I haven’t yet gone back to the lines to see if they were any good… I hope they were!
Today I am sore all over from a long and somewhat arduous trek in the mountains. I was expecting to fall asleep “like a baby” (I know the expression is wrong, but it’s still there). But I haven’t. Aside from my body hurting (yes I did take a long hot bath to try and soothe my overworked muscles), there’s quite a lot going on in my head these days. Not bad things! But things. And things in one’s head are not very helpful when it comes to falling asleep.
Now that I’ve settled down to write them out, they’re mysteriously gone (those that I would have been willing to write, of course). Funny how things are.
- Sleep With Me Podcast [en] (2018)
- Sleeplessness [en] (2002)
- F.lux: Better Lighting For Your Screen [en] (2011)
- Back Home [en] (2008)
- Boring Backlog [en] (2001)
- Sloppy Vienna Update [en] (2004)
- Day N, because I don’t know when day 1 was [en] (2020)
- On Grief and Losing Bagha [en] (2010)
- Bagha: One Year, Coming Up [en] (2011)
- Librarian [en] (2005)
Also published on Medium.