[fr] Une semaine depuis la mort de Bagha. Difficile, mais aussi plus facile que ce que je craignais, d'une certaine façon. Merci pour tous vos messages de sympathie.
Bagha died a week ago. It’s been a difficult week. In some ways, however, it’s been easier than I feared.
I felt like it was the end of the world when he died. A week later, I realize I’m still alive despite the pain, and life goes on. I have good friends and a lot of supportive people around me, and my catless days are made up of more and more “normal” moments, and less and less “distressed” ones.
My life at home is having a hard time feeling anything close to normal, however. I miss Bagha terribly. I want my cat back. I know I can’t, of course — “wanting him back” is one of the ways I’m struggling to accept he’s really dead. With Christmas and impending travel, I feel like I’m not having enough down-time at home to process the emotional turmoil I’m in, or simply let it settle.
I have a lot to write, but I’m finding it difficult to actually accomplish much these days. I have two blog posts underway (one Bagha-related, the other about something else) but I’m stuck in the middle, something that almost never happens to me. Stress, grief, nothing alarming of course, but I’m not used to finding it so difficult to function in this way. So, amidst a potential slew of India-related posts while I’m there, expect to find a fair number of Bagha-related ones.
If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you might have seen that I have finally decided not to take Bagha’s ashes back to India. Bagha belonged here, with me, in this Swiss garden that was his home for the last eleven years. This is where I want his ashes — not far, far away in India, even though he was born there. I don’t want to do things in a rush, either, so I’ll wait until I’m back (I have two days left to pack and sort out everything before my departure).
Thanks again to everyone for your kind words of sympathy and support. It means a lot to me.